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PAGE NINE -- No. 10 by Alan Korwin, Author
Here's a casual sample. It might make you say, "We'll NEVER run that!" but the page will be built around ad revenues from right thinking mainstream businesses. Alan Korwin, Author
PAGE NINE Page Nine Is Now A Blog!
All Page Nine reports are indexed at
Contents:
The lamestream media told you: The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that: "No shots were fired" lead many to question why the phrase "automatic weapons" was even used. Authorities apparently gave the phrase to the reporter, who simply parroted what was said without any research or reporter curiosity. No charges have been filed against the reporter. Several days later, the followup story claimed that automatic OR semiautomatic weapons MAY have been used, and suspects were in custody, increasing skepticism in those parts of the community that are awake. Today (July 28), the headline says "Toy rifles aided three in heist," and Bosnia-Herzegovina natives were the apparent culprits. "Fake AK-47 assault rifles" were used in combination with pepper spray. I am not making this up. According to the report, toy fakes can be scary sounding "assault rifles." The money has been recovered. No correction has been issued. The reporter is still at large. ---------- The lamestream media told you: California arrests are up 20% while Arizona arrests are down marginally. Describing the San Diego sector, BP Chief David Aguilar said, "We're much more efficient, absolutely." The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that: Regardless of whether arrests go up or down, the government reports it is doing the right thing, the "news" media reports. This might impact the media's credibility, critics claim. The media will be holding seminars on the subject. Partial numbers published with the story (which were not totaled by the newspaper) indicate 957,000 arrests in 2005, compared with 939,000 so far in 2006, if our calculator is accurate. The numbers of people being constantly pushed up at the United States are staggering, especially in the face of such arrests levels. However, BP estimates that at least one out of two get through, and admits it releases everyone it catches, so the odds aren't really that bad. With around 2,600 arrests per day (again, relying on a calculator), which implies 2,600 illegal entries a day, "efficient" might not be a good word choice for the Border Patrol chief to have used. Two Republicans have proposed an immigration compromise bill to "rescue imperiled immigration legislation," the paper reports. Critics who suggest illegal immigration is really a federal jobs program are dismissed as loonies. ---------- The lamestream media told you: The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that: Admitting that thousands of independently operated ISPs complicates the job of controlling the web, the move to "free" delivery along A/C power lines is an important tactic, says one industry observer who prefers to not be identified. Currently, anyone can set up as an ISP with little more than a home computer, in the highly unregulated world wide web. ---------- The lamestream media told you: He did report that Hezbollah has turned southern Lebanon into, "a maze of tunnels, bunkers and weaponry," right under the nose of the U.N. peacekeeping forces, for 12 years. "The U.N. allowed Hezbollah to come down and take control," according to the published report, and that Iran helped turn the terrorists from, "a bunch of thugs into a sophisticated army." The United States pays 22% of the U.N.'s operating costs. During the mission, Renzi and three congressional colleagues met with Palestinian president Abbas. The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that: "There's no way for us to get that," says one reporter. Whatever he delivers to us instead has any crumbs of credibility torn to shreds by default. The real deal is unavailable to any but the elite insiders, and they're not talking. The idea that a congressman cannot speak about what he learned bolsters that unfortunate view. The First Amendment protection of free speech does not apply, even to a congressman, for reasons that remain unclear. What sort of capabilities could the terrorists have, what sort of secrets could Abbas reveal, what could our legislators have learned from their trip, that we aren't getting from the news, that they cannot say. What was the U.N. actually doing there for 12 years. It sure makes you wonder. Both sides bombed and rocketed each other again today. Pictures of the exploded buildings and injured (but not dead) people were broadcast widely, as usual. ---------- The lamestream media told you: The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that: So many groups have amassed databases and are tracking the world's jihadis that an announcement from one batch of scientists is hardly news. Naming it the Dark Web though was kind of cool. ---------- The lamestream media told you: The story by John Sarche features a stylish photo of the criminal, and holds him up as possibly the most prolific killer of modern times, naming others who are competitors for such a ghastly title, with a certain sense of awe. The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that: The obvious need for reducing restrictions on civilian possession of firearms, in light of constant attention to atrocities by these glorified killers, was not addressed in the story. Photos of the victims are rarely chosen over photos idolizing the psychopathic perpetrators. Imagine the effect if each murder victim story mentioned that, "The victim lived in an area where simple civilian possession of firearms is banned or severely restricted by government taxes and tests." The affect of the story on copycats is unknown, and was rebroadcast for days. ---------- The lamestream media told you: The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that: AP: "Bush and his party are campaigning hard as the November elections approach." Reality: Both parties are campaigning hard as the election approaches, and that's not news. AP: "The GOP is seen as in danger of losing its majority status in one or both houses of Congress." Reality: Although cynics suspect the AP would love the GOP to lose its majority and hence pushes the idea constantly, both parties vie for power in every election, and the balance in either house is always at risk of changing. Always. AP: "In May, White House message masters chose the South Lawn as the venue for Bush's signings." Reality: "Message masters" is a slur, both parties use experts to stage everything they do, and only the most supreme choices for maximum effect are ever used, even if they get it wrong occasionally. AP: "The South Lawn was next pressed into duty for extending the Voting Rights Act, a centerpiece of the 1960s civil rights movement, which opened the polls to millions of Black Americans by outlawing such voting practices as poll taxes and literacy tests." Reality: Access taxes and proficiency tests for exercising your rights are very much alive for black Americans, and all Americans, if you wish to exercise your right to keep and bear arms. The Associated Press has never addressed that subject, in any way, ever. Reality: The story just keeps on going like that, it's a disgrace. The powerful Republicans and the poor downtrodden Democrats, scores of politicians seeking the spotlight, the "imposing South Portico," gushing opinion, Loven should be reprimanded, along with every editor in the chain from copy to print. I could go on, but I just can't go on. ---------- The lamestream media told you: The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that: Women's magazines, with circulations at least 100 times greater than "Babytalk," feature partial photos of women's breasts in ads on page after page, and women by the millions eagerly buy the magazines as soon as they hit the newsstands. The reason for the difference in perception between the AP-reported "news" survey, and street reality, was unknown at press time. ---------- The lamestream media told you: The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that: The test, which involves the ratio of testosterone to its biological precursor chemical, used to rely on a 6 to 1 ratio as proof of doping. That was changed recently to a 4 to 1 ratio, not exactly your hard-edged scientific model of foolproof proof. Whether an increase in the number of girlie men had anything to do with the new, more sensitive, lower testosterone standard is unknown. ---------- The lamestream media told you: The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that: "It amazes me that Jews of all people would favor gun control, when you look at their history. When they say, 'Never again,' how do they expect to do that -- through the magnanimous actions of their Muslim neighbors and anti-Semites the world over?" asks one knowledgeable insider. None of the victims in the Seattle attack were armed. If the past is prologue, the murderous attack will lead to renewed calls for limiting gun ownership in Washington State and elsewhere, with Jewish groups leading the charge, as if that will stop future murders. One web pundit has noted for more than a decade, "After a shooting spree, they always want to take the guns away from the people who didn't do it." (William Burroughs, 1992) Just to be clear, this was not a random criminal assault. The suspect identified himself to the police as a "Muslim-American," a term that disgusts many mainstream Americans, and implies an act of jihad. As most Americans know at this point, tens of millions of Muslims have sworn to wipe Israel off the map and kill all Jews, following their religious and political leaders leadership. Almost all Muslim countries are vicious dictatorships, a fact routinely omitted in lamestream news reports. At least three Jews locally have indicated to the Uninvited Ombudsman that the assault motivated them to go to the range and burn some powder. ---------- The lamestream media told you: Their bill would ban anyone under 18 from accessing MySpace, Friendster or Facebook from school or library computers, in an effort to improve child safety on the web. The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that: Rampant growth is part of what makes America great, and the last thing Congress should be meddling with. They are absolutely banned from regulating speech in any manner under the First Amendment, but that no longer constrains these misguided do-gooders, who have not been charged with violation of their oath of office. Confirming what critics call "a lack of touch with reality," committee members appear to believe that by banning access to government-funded computers, they will have an impact that means anything. Experts at the panel hearings told them their approach was hopeless, though Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott told them it was a step in the right direction. The alternate approach of using existing law to convict and imprison anyone who perpetrates a crime on a child was not discussed. ----------
Corrections and Clarifications: 1. A reader points out that: Your comments on gas-guzzling SUVs and the amount of coal burned in China leaves the impression that carbon dioxide is a bad thing. First, real science shows that an increase or decrease in CO2 and temperature do not correlate in the long-term historical record (ice cores), and second, the benefits of increased atmospheric CO2 are never reported. See the CO2 Science Center brochure, an excellent source for on our climate, and they're located in Tempe. He continues: If the AP, the NYT, or WaPo puts it on the wire, our newspapers publish it, even if it's pure propaganda. You're correct in saying we no longer have journalists. Doyle Elkins, Prescott, AZ [Come to think of it, plants do need CO2 to thrive.]
2. Another reader candidly affirms: Your deceptive "Page Nine" is obviously no more accurate, rational, nor unbiased than the "lamestream media" you lambast. I lambast it, too, but another source, such as yours, that is just as manipulative, deceptive, ignorant, arrogant, and biased, or more so, does nothing to set the record straight; it just throws it even further off kilter. I get my information from a wide variety of sources that I find are truly reliable, balanced, and accurate, and this certainly does NOT include your "Page Nine" or Fox News!!! Please stop sending me this rubbish. [I asked what he found incorrect, so I could make corrections, but he did not reply; invited him to join the upcoming hoplophobia symposium, but only silence.]
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Page Nine Is Now A Blog!
Now carrying or planning to carry Page Nine! Mens News Daily The Payson Patriot Newspaper (15K circ.) Shotgun Sports http://www.shotgunsportsmagazine.com The Ryter Report Wilson County News, Floresville, TX The Libertarian Enterprise The SanTan Sun (Phoenix Metro) Ed Phillips' Arizona Almanac (Radio) NYS Rifle & Pistol Association Newsletter "The Bullet" Western Missouri Shooters Alliance Gun List Buckeye Firearms Association
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If you can read this, thank a teacher.
============================== Alan, just a quick Attaboy in appreciation of your continuing good works. Some of us appreciate it!
Editor, I have received several calls from the Cleveland Plain Dealer wanting to know if I would like to add to my subscription - and I always turn you down. If you decide to start printing Korwin's "Page Nine" please let me know -- I will reconsider by subscription needs. Thanks,
Great article- I'll be ordering more books from you!
Please cancel newsletter - My husband was very fond of it but he is deceased.
A cousin who lives in Page forwarded "The Uninvited Ombudsman Report, No. 9". Am looking forward to reading regularly.
Cheers, Alan! Always enjoy your commentary, especially the last two sentences:
Each time I read Page Nine I get excited, depressed, angry, relieved, etc. all in the space of around ten minutes. I think with a little practice I will learn to laugh at the sad state of the world around us instead of getting overloaded with emotion. Thanks for the entertaining, careful, and insightful commentary! I skip the news as much as possible, so this helps me keep up to date.
A "news" reporter writes: Please take me off your list. I don't cover media. My colleague Liz Halloran does. Thanks!
A reader in Montana writes, regarding using National Guard troops to map the border instead of protecting it: The "authorities" wanted to show that they were "Doing Something," however, they didn't want to offend anyone south of the border. So, some clever spinmeister created the double spin necessary to demonstrate to our north-of-the-border people that we are "Doing Something," but to reassure the south-of-the-border people with information that we aren't really doing anything after all. Let me think about that. Hmmm. Nah.
The Pope was visiting Washington, D.C., and President Bush took him out for an afternoon on the Potomac, cruising on the Presidential yacht, the Sequoia. They're admiring the sights when, all of a sudden, the Pope's hat (zucchetto) blew off his head and out into the water. Secret Service guys started to launch a boat, but the President waved them off, saying, "Wait, wait. I'll take care of this. Don't worry." Bush then steps off the yacht onto the surface of the water and walks out to the Holy Father's little hat, bends over, picks it up, and then walks back to the yacht and climbs aboard. He hands the hat to the Pope amid stunned silence. The next morning, the headlines in the New York Times, Boston Globe, Atlanta Constitution, Washington Post, Houston Chronicle, Chicago Tribune, Miami Herald, Denver Post, Albuquerque Journal, Los Angeles Times, and San Francisco Chronicle all proclaim:
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