PAGE NINE -- No. 15

by Alan Korwin, Author
Gun Laws of America

I'm proposing a new page for newspapers ("Page Nine" regardless of the page it runs on), that covers stories afresh, not the way news rooms typically flavor things. It would help reduce the distrust so many readers feel. It could be the most read page in the paper, a light breath of fresh air.

Here's a casual sample. It might make you say, "We'll NEVER run that!" but the page will be built around ad revenues from clear thinking mainstream businesses.

Alan Korwin, Author
Gun Laws of America
"The Uninvited Ombudsman"


The Uninvited Ombudsman Report, No. 15
by Alan Korwin, Sep. 26, 2006

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1. Police Disarmament Planned
2. Pope Upsets Muslims
3. Osama Lives Forever
4. James Bond's Guns
5. Hydrogen Salvation Questioned
6. Chinese Censorship Tightens
7. Iranian Uranium Growing
8. Media Attacks Guns
9. Criminal Immigrants Mislabeled
10. Kinky Angers Blacks
11. Bombed Muslims Unhappy
12. No Dancing Arabs

In Memoriam -- Col. Jeff Cooper


1. The lamestream media told you:
The nation's newest light-rail system, scheduled to debut in 2008, will use unarmed police to deter crime. "Transit officials say light rail is safe," according to reporter Sean Holstege on Sep. 25, 2006, even though the system is not operating yet.

"Metro [the system operator] will have a visible, well-trained transit-security force," according to spokeswoman Marty McNeil. "Metro is also going to invest in the latest and best security devices," she says, which will not include any firearms for police officers.

"Light-rail foes cite federal crime statistics that suggest light rail has more crime than any other form of mass transit," the Arizona Republic article continues, but this will be combated with clear "sight lines, emergency phones, intercoms, alarms, lots of lights, and surveillance systems," plus a large number of officers and fare checkers in uniforms.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
Commuters were shocked to learn today that public officials have decided to disarm police responsible for safety on crime-plagued light rail, scheduled to start running in the nation's fifth largest city in 2008.

"They have no legitimate authority to disarm anyone, but somehow figure it's OK to disarm police stationed to protect the public. It's just unmitigated gall, and plain stupid," says one observer familiar with the plans. In the first six months of the year, Phoenix police statistics show 1,349 crimes per 100,000 people, with 866 of these along the light-rail route. (With more than 3 million people, the Phoenix stats should be multiplied by 30.)

In an ironic twist, a new law in Arizona requires government agencies to allow people to keep possession of their personal firearms, unless safe and secure storage is provided near entry and exit points. Unless Metro plans to require riders to check their guns in and out of the train cars, people will be better prepared to protect police officers than the other way around.

Libertarian commentators say this is actually quite a refreshing state of affairs for a change.


2. The lamestream media told you:
Muslims across the globe are outraged and staging protests over an accurate, short, obscure historical reference in German, embedded in a dry, lengthy, obscure speech by Pope Benedict XVI, that the only new thing brought to the world by Islam was to spread itself by the power of the sword. Papal speeches and statements are intensely scrutinized by Vatican experts before delivery.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
Confirming critics fears the Islam may not be the tolerant religion of peace it claims to be, Muslims all over the globe staged heated protests because the Pope used the word "jihad," or holy war, and implied it may not be a good idea. He had pointed out that the Islamic practice of spreading their religion by the sword is a bad idea, by quoting an obscure emperor who noted the same thing centuries earlier.

Muslims, millions of whom cannot tolerate any criticism of their main prophet, holy book or any of the beliefs of the believers, are demanding that the Pope retract his remarks, even if they are true, confirming their suspected level of tolerance and acceptance. Elsewhere, peace-loving Muslims fire-bombed churches in protest, and shot a nun to death. No beheadings were reported.

Las Vegas bookmakers have not announced odds on whether the Pope, considered by Catholics to be in direct communication with God, will clarify his position to the satisfaction of angered Muslims. He has publicly said he's sorry they reacted so dramatically, which Muslims have not accepted as an apology, because it's not. The Pope, himself a Catholic, does not report directly to Muslims.

In other news, Muslims from the religion of peace continued murdering innocent civilians on a daily basis in an ongoing jihad. The lamestream media makes daily reports of the religion-based murders, labeling them terrorist acts.

U.S. news media have failed to show masked Muslims reactions to the Pope's remarks:
(Click on the pictures to enlarge and read the signs.)


3. The lamestream media told you:
Unconfirmed French intelligence reports suggest Osama bin Laden may have died from natural causes in August. U.S. intelligence officials, speaking on condition of anonymity because of the classified nature of the reports, said they knew of the Saudi-derived report before it appeared in a French newspaper on Sep. 23.

Terrorism experts have been wondering why bin Laden hasn't appeared in a video for two years, and have questioned the timeliness of released audio tapes, implying they were made in the past and spliced together to appear current.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
People observing Muslim behavior have long noticed that even minor events can make the followers of Islam go berserk and start killing themselves, and others, and blowing up anything nearby. Obscure historical references and even mediocre cartoons can push otherwise peace-loving Muslims to frenetic rage.

This is why, according to top secret analysts, the death of bin Laden may never be confirmed, and that he may already be dead for more than a year.

If captured, the global media circus and jihadi outpourings will make previous events seem like child's play, experts believe. If killed, especially at American hands, the martyrdom will be second only to the prophet who cannot be safely named.

For political reasons, even if he is captured or killed, his whereabouts will remain unknown and his status will remain fuzzy, experts say. He will remain a convenient excuse for a never ending "war on terror," a secret code phrase in the battle against Muslim plans to take over the world.

The most difficult job for President Bush, which will not be revealed until decades after he leaves office, will be knowing for sure that bin Laden was eliminated, and keeping his mouth shut.


4. The lamestream media told you:
"James Bond's return steals the buzz of Hollywood's big season," says David Germain, the Associated Press movie critic. Daniel Craig becomes the sixth actor to play Bond, with major changes to the character. He is younger, not yet the womanizer he will become, actually falls in love, "and gets his heart stomped on," in Casino Royale, the next in the series of James Bond flicks.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
In almost unspeakable hypocrisy, if true, the sixth actor chosen to play James Bond hates guns, a point that has been all over the web but not addressed in any lamestream reports. Craig has not been seen at a shooting range, and though he handles guns in the movie, they are all fakes.


5. The lamestream media told you:
Congressman Bob Inglis, a Republican from South Carolina, is sponsoring the "H Prize," to spur development of a hydrogen-based economy. Annual prizes from the federal treasury of more than $100 million would entice inventors to harness the tricky alternative energy source.

The most abundant element in the universe, hydrogen, when burned as fuel, yields nothing but harmless water vapor, and is sure to offer salvation from global warming, fossil-fuel pollution, dependence on foreign oil, and will save the earth once it is adopted.

In the past, similar prizes motivated Charles Lindbergh, who looks remarkably like actor Jimmy Stuart, to fly solo across the Atlantic, and launched SpaceShipOne, a privately funded spacecraft that reached the edge of space twice, on a budget that wouldn't fund NASA for 24 hours.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
Hydrogen fuel, touted by supporters as the ultimate inexhaustible fuel supply, may have one very small problem that has escaped attention. Constantly pumping that much "harmless" water vapor into the atmosphere may have unexpected results on the world's humidity.

Humidity, according to television weather forecasters, is the single biggest factor leading to hurricanes, thunderstorms, typhoons, tornadoes, blizzards, hail, floods and perpetual sunless cloudy days in Seattle.

The warming effect of high humidity is well known to people everywhere, especially in the swamps of Mississippi, but seems to have been overlooked in lamestream reports, for some foggy reason.


6. The lamestream media told you:
"China imposed broad new restrictions Sunday on the distribution of foreign news in the country," according to Joseph Kahn, writing for the New York Times on 9/11/06. "News-oriented websites have been able to skirt censorship procedures that old-line media must follow in China, a one-party system," he says. "President Hu Jintao has intensified a crackdown on all kinds of news media in recent months, arresting and harassing journalists, editors, and hiring tens of thousands of screeners for web content deemed offensive."

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
Communist Red China, an iron-fisted vicious dictatorship characterized blandly by The New York Times and lamestream media as "a one-party system," is again crushing the population's ability to learn anything outside the party line. The reasons for sugar-coating the dictators' actions is unknown.

Already infamous for adopting a censored version of Google for its tightly controlled Internet operations, party leaders are alarmed that foreign news is still leaking in. No news of summary executions, a standard tool of the ruling clique, has leaked out.

The fate of the tens of thousands of screeners who must read the banned news to censor it, was unknown at press time.


7. The lamestream media told you:
"Diplomats told the Associated Press that Iran is ready to consider complying, at least temporarily, with a U.N. Security Council demand that it freeze uranium enrichment, which can be used in developing atomic weapons," says AP reporter George Jahn, on 9/11/06. "This would be a major departure by Tehran as it faces possible U.N. sanctions for its nuclear defiance. The diplomats spoke on condition of anonymity in exchange for sharing confidential information."

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
Diplomats spoke with a naive reporter named George Jahn, but told authorities absolutely nothing, as its nuclear scientists continued enriching uranium for atomic weapons. Weeks later, enrichment continued, while Iran says it still may consider changing its plans.

A leading sponsor of global jihad, with an avowed interest in establishing a global caliphate (a Muslim dictatorship), Iran has been telling the Associated Press it may stop bomb production, which the AP dutifully reports, constantly. Meanwhile, inspectors are locked out, promises are made to gullible reporters instead of responsible authorities, and no smattering of reality leaks into AP reports, now a standard feature of the so-called wire reports.

In other news, Iranian president Mahmoud Amabadjihad spoke to thunderous applause at the U.N. General Assembly, and was widely covered by virtually all news media. He told the world he has no intentions of stopping uranium enrichment. The crowd of 35,000 that jammed the public plaza outside the U.N. in protest, received no mention.


8. The lamestream media told you:
"Gunfire plagues school in slums," reports Harold Olmos for the AP on 9/10/06, from Rio De Janeiro, Brazil. "Rise in gun violence underscores concerns," adds Michael Sniffen of the AP, on 9/11/06, writing from Washington D.C. Back-to-back reports remind the public of the horrors of guns in civilian hands, and lament that more cannot be done to curb the senseless violence. Most other crime in the U.S. is at a 32-year low.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
While almost no one died from civilian gunfire over a recent two-day period, wire reports focused on those rare shootings while ignoring the thousands of people who lost their lives to gunfire from government operatives around the world.

Democide, or death by official government forces, has long been known to be the leading cause of civilian death, but is generally unreported, or categorized blandly as strife, tragedy or civil unrest.

Brazil was attacked recently by power brokers worldwide, who sought to disarm the public during a referendum on gun ownership. A grassroots effort soundly defeated the measure, which would have left criminals and the military heavily armed, while turning the populace into a defenseless rabble.

The effort to disarm Brazilians is apparently still intact, with the Associated Press leading the charge with stories of heartbreaking tragedies in shantytowns of the downtrodden poor. The AP does admit that most of the gunfire is between the police and drug gangs. Citizens are used to slum violence, the reporter says.

Reports of guns being used for their primary purposes, protection and defense against crime, have not been made.

The severe lamestream-news bias against firearms is well documented and discussed in detail in "The Bias Against Guns," by Professor John Lott, available through Bloomfield Press.


9. The lamestream media told you:
"Moroccan immigrants die crossing Strait of Gibraltar," reports Mar Roman for the AP, in a story carried nationwide on 9/10/06. The migrant tragedy has taken hundreds of lives, as smugglers and relatives work feverishly to abandon grinding poverty and reach the shores of Spain, across a treacherous stretch of water. As many as 4,500 bodies of these unlucky immigrants have washed up in the straits since 2002, AP reports.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
Hundreds of "illegal" immigrants have died trying to sneak into Spain without authorization, paperwork or any plans for their future. These Muslims invading from the south are responsible for the horrific conditions of their homeland, and those who succeed in infiltrating into Spain, remain in cloistered enclaves, perpetuate their primitive and sometimes barbaric behavior, treat women like chattel, and are causing political unrest among Hispanic natives.

AP reporter Mar Roman refers to immigrants, migrants and passengers nine times, without ever using the adjective "illegal." The reason for the omission is unclear.


10. The lamestream media told you:
Entertainer and Texas gubernatorial hopeful Kinky Friedman is in hot water for using the word "nigger," twice in a comedy routine -- 26 years ago. A recording of the bit was found and posted on Burnt Orange Report, a left-wing website. News reports, afraid of appearing insensitive or worse, and uncomfortable with the American concept of free speech, referred to the remark as the "n-word."

In addition, last year Friedman said he thinks the word Negro sounds "charming." State representative Garnet Coleman, former chairman of the Texas Legislative Black Caucus, has attacked Friedman in the press and suggested he "change his tune or get out of the race," according to Kelley Shannon, reporting for the Associated Press on 9/22/06.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
Representatives from the United Negro College Fund have remained surprisingly quiet about this particular White person's "charming" remark.

Observers were surprised that a member of the Texas Legislative Black Caucus, a race-based group, would make insensitive racial comments about a person reported to be White, or mostly White. Reportedly, some members of the Black Caucus are actually mulatto, an issue that cannot be discussed in public.

In an extreme hypocrisy noticed by many but not reported by any lamestream outlet, the cable music channel MTV, watched by millions of music-oriented youth, uses the harsh-sounding racial epithet "nigger" in music, comedy routines and drama, but receives little criticism from people such as those attacking Mr. Friedman.

While Kinky used the word twice in a routine two-and-a-half decades ago, MTV airs the word constantly, daily. Cable TV giants HBO and Showtime also air the word "nigger" in comedy programs all the time, typically by people talking about themselves or their associates.

In other news, the cigar-chomping Friedman says he would, if elected, immediately put 10,000 National Guard troops on the Texas-Mexico border to stop a tidal wave of illegal immigrants from sneaking into the U.S. "We've waited 153 years for the feds to help us, and they haven't yet," he said.

Running as an independent, he has also taken the radical position that Katrina evacuees who break the law or haven't taken jobs should be sent back to Louisiana, a position Louisiana reportedly doesn't like. Republican Governor Perry's spokesman dismissed Friedman's proposals.


11. The lamestream media told you:
Residents of India are being told to stay calm after bomb blasts killed dozens of Muslims outside mosques after Friday afternoon prayers on a Muslim festival day. Hostility between Hindus and Muslims has been a problem in the nation for decades.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
Muslims, whose tactics revolve around bombing innocent civilians going about their daily routines, were reportedly outraged at being bombed, and denounced the attacks, which they don't like. "The U.S. State Dept. is saddened by the bombings," reports the AP's Aftab Khan.


12. The lamestream media told you:
Deep expressions of sympathy and remembrance were conducted all over the planet in solemn recognition of the horrific tragedies on U.S. soil on Sep. 11, 2001.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
Arab Muslims in the Middle East danced in the streets and handed out candy, when news of the "blessed" jihad attacks on America first flashed across the globe five years ago.

In stark contrast, no news of Arab or Muslim celebrations were evident, five years later as the world mourned in solidarity for those whose innocent lives were snuffed out in the daring daylight surprise attacks.

A search of the first 100 listings in Google shows not a single story about Arab celebrations, leading experts to suggest that either radical Muslims have recognized and abandoned their evil ways, in an unannounced reformation, or the news of what is actually going on in the heart of Islam was somehow suppressed, even at Google, reportedly a neutral, unbiased Internet search tool.


In Memoriam -- Col. Jeff Cooper
God speed Colonel

Forwarded to The Uninvited Ombudsman

Earlier today, 9/25/06, Col. John Dean "Jeff" Cooper passed on from complications arising from an earlier stroke and heart attack.

His impact on the world of shooting was enormous. He is often referred to as "The Father of The Modern Techniques of Shooting," and he helped found the International Practical Shooting Confederation (IPSC), serving as the founding chairman and first president.

Jeff also founded the American Pistol Institute, called "Gunsite," in Paulden, Ariz., and through the school popularized what are now commonly known as "the four rules of firearms safety," and the "color codes" for alertness and situational response. His book, "Principles of Personal Defense," is a stark standout in the field, not for the squeamish.

Jeff had 86 years on this earth; 70 or so as a shooter, and about 20 as a Marine. You can't sum up a life like that with a few sentences, but there's one quote that represents him quite well. When asked if violence did not simply beget more violence, Colonel Cooper responded, "It is my earnest endeavor to see that it does. I would like very much to ensure -- and in some cases I have -- that any man who offers violence to his fellow citizen begets a whole lot more in return than he can enjoy."

Semper Fi Marine

Read about Jeff in his hometown newspaper:

Note: When Jeff came to speak at our Gun Rights and Safety Forum in 2001, he summed up the anti-rights efforts to lock up guns "for safety" in a piece of off-the-cuff wisdom I shall never forget, "A gun that's safe isn't worth anything." Alan.




What would happen if Washington, Jefferson and Franklin suddenly found themselves in modern times? Read "Tempus Fugit" --A stunning achievement, eye-popping entertainment, critical thinking at its best.
Book review here:


See the official Journalist's Code of Ethics here:
Compare it to the news you see every day.


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Thanks for reading!
Alan Korwin
The Uninvited Ombudsman


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If you can read this, thank a teacher.
If you're reading this in English, thank a veteran.



Comments help keep me going. Alan.


Michael Jones writes: From PAGE NINE -- No. 14 :
"Teachers, insulated from market forces and largely addicted to copious supplies of "free" money regardless of their performance, support reporters reports. All those people need their heads placed on pikes."

As a teacher of 36 years (the last six as an unpaid volunteer) I strongly object to this paragraph.  I usually agree with your "takes" but not this time!

Alan replies: My mother always tells me to use the partative, and I too often forget. How about "Many teachers..." The "pikes" line is just frustration (and Mom didn't like it either).


Keep up the great work... Page Nine is great. --Richard Feeney


Polygamy.....when I look at my marriage I strongly believe this is a mental aberration.  Who in their right mind wants more than one wife? --Bubba (not his real name)


That last one was funny!!


Hi Alan- In this line: "When Knickmeyer says this erased evidence of progress her editorial conclusion is pronounced and unethical, according to leading experts." Who are the leading experts? You warned us about editors slipping that in after the fact--is this a test?


Also, I'm disappointed that you aren't disputing the outrageous claims the proponents of global warming spout off. Maybe I'm just missing it in the sarcasm and misdirection. One of my favorite claims by the flat-earthers was "global warming can actually cause cooler temperatures." My minor criticisms aside, I really enjoy Page 9, it is a treat to read. Keep up the good work!  --Peter


lol, that's a good page 9, i like that one  --TK


[My remarks about the nature of leftish teachers soaking up "funding" struck a chord -- this reply resonates]
Where is Vlad the Impaler when we really need him? The government-funded leftist/neo-communist brainwashing organization so glibly called "our public school system" is, IMHO, a more serious threat to the principles and values upon which America was founded, than the islamofascists, because, if they had their way, they'd give up, cut & run, hide and cower, appease, etc. etc. until western civilization is no more! --Dave Knight


Alan, you do a hell of a job with your constant up-dates. --Al


I just want to thank you for such a refreshing breath of logic and sanity in a country gone crazy.  There is hope.  Thank you.  Jo Jo Gayman





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