PAGE NINE -- No. 16

by Alan Korwin, Author
Gun Laws of America

I'm proposing a new page for newspapers ("Page Nine" regardless of the page it runs on), that covers stories afresh, not the way news rooms typically flavor things. It would help reduce the distrust so many readers feel. It could be the most read page in the paper, a light breath of fresh air.

Here's a casual sample. It might make you say, "We'll NEVER run that!" but the page is being built around ad revenues from clear thinking mainstream businesses.

Alan Korwin, Author
Gun Laws of America
"The Uninvited Ombudsman"


The Uninvited Ombudsman Report, No. 16
by Alan Korwin, Oct. 5, 2006

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(searchable by item number)

1- Memorial Humiliates Democrats
2- Clinton Hates Bush
3- Muslim Condemns Terrorism
4- Democratic Racist Enigma
5- Drug War Promoted
6- Inactive Congress Valued
7 - “Wetback” Controversy Flares
8- Leftists Controlling Colleges
9- Pope's Efforts Insufficient
10- Mexico Dislikes Fence



1- The lamestream media told you:
A half-million-dollar monument in the state capitol plaza, paid for entirely with private funds, honors those who died in the 9/11 attacks. Governor Napolitano says it is, "a memorial for Arizona that fully encapsulates the losses that America suffered on September 11, 2001."

A suspended metal ring called "Moving Memories" has messages cut through it, which cast phrases and dates on the ground as sun shines through.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
Americans everywhere were outraged to learn that a memorial supposed to commemorate 9/11, contrived quietly under the influence of Democrats and now on display in public space, features the Gulf of Tonkin incident, an accidental attack on an Afghan wedding party, and admonishes the United States for fighting back against islamofascism.

Glorified by lamestream news reports, the true nature of the travesty has circulated through the blogosphere, and is being forced into the public eye through the Internet.

The Democrat Governor said the memorial, "fully encapsulates the losses that America suffered on September 11, 2001."

Congressman Trent Franks, a Republican, disagreed, saying, "The Memorial's reflection of a warped revisionist outlook on history is tragic in that the anti-American sentiments and blatant misrepresentation of facts will be the Governor's legacy to future generations. Endorsing a deception intrinsic in this memorial is disgraceful and the epitome of irresponsibility in a public official."

He goes on to say, "I wish the architects hadn't projected their ahistorical and anti-American prejudices into a space meant for solemn reflection and public mourning."

Among the many sayings on the sculpture are, "You don't win battles of terrorism with more battles," and "Feeling of invincibility lost." The heroes of Flight 93 are omitted. A poll with comments has been set up by a local newspaper:

The Governor's spokeswoman attacked the critics for complaining. Meanwhile, talks on tearing down the outrageous political statements are proceeding, and Republican Len Munsil, the gubernatorial challenger in the upcoming election, says if elected he will immediately replace it with a monument that says, "United We Stand" and "Let's Roll."

In other news, a 9/11 monument at the Shanksville, Pa., site of the Flight 93 crash is being criticized for being a crescent pointed at Mecca. I am not making this up.


2- The lamestream media told you:
"The election year debate over terrorism has triggered a full-blown spat between the camps of President Bush and former president Clinton, as the two sides trade barbs over who was more responsible for  failing to disrupt al Qaida before it could attack the United States on Sept. 11, 2001," according to Peter Baker in the Washington Post on 9/26.

Bush, Hillary, Condoleeza, Bill and others all had something to say in the growing disagreement, and were quoted, possibly accurately.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
In a writing style becoming increasingly familiar, one of the nation's leading newspapers has chosen to run a "he-said-she-said" story, which is easy, rather than do real reporting and present facts, which is hard.

Many readers now recognize that what politicians accuse each other of, while interesting, is meaningless, and only serves to keep the public in the dark. Some actually blame the lamestream press for obscuring truth, promoting ignorance, and failing in an ethical duty to uphold their First Amendment role as a watchdog over government, according to polls with a margin of error of 3.2 points. What actually happened regarding al Qaida was not covered by reporter Baker.


3- The lamestream media told you:
A Syrian director who ran a Ramadan television series on suicide bombers has condemned terrorism by Islamic extremists as a global threat that hurts Muslims, says Albert Aji in an AP wire report on 9/26.

Najdat Anzour, "Syria's most renowned director," wants his new series, "to drive home the message that Islam is a religion of tolerance and dialogue -- not of violence," according to the reporter. "We should realize the size of the danger that engulfs the Arab nation," Anzour reportedly said, casting the entire Arab world as a single nation.

His new series, whose title refers to the 72 virgins that greet Islamic martyrs in the afterlife, attracted tens of millions of viewers, airing to families right after the Ramadan fast at sundown. One of his characters blames terrorism on America, "100 percent."

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
In a story with virtually no recent precedent, a prominent Muslim has publicly condemned the global jihad, though he describes it only by its well known code word, terrorism.

Characterized as Syria's most prominent director, in a nation that maintains iron-fisted control over broadcasts and allows no religion but state-sanctioned brands of Islam, Najdat Anzour received death threats after his TV series about suicide bombers, and political observers will be watching the obituaries for further news.


4- The lamestream media told you:
"Democratic Senate challenger Jim Webb declined to say definitively Tuesday whether he had ever used a common derogatory term to describe Blacks," writes David Espo for the Associated Press on 9/27.

In his defense, Webb said he believed everyone who grew up in the South had probably "had the word pass through their lips," ducking a definitive response, according to the reporter. Webb's novel, Fields of Fire, uses the word that sounds like "enigma" as part of a character dialog, but he adds, "I have never issued a racial or ethnic slur."

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
Stunned observers are still recovering from the idea that someone from America's south might not have ever used the word that is similar to the nation of Niger, or that a politician would actually say he had never used an ethnic slur, even after including it in a novel.

"Politicians lie all the time, it's their job, and the public knows this of course," said one high ranking official  who is not a member of the Congressional Black Caucus. "But the hypocrisy now growing in news reports about use of the word that sounds like enigma is just beyond the pale." Reporters will stop at nothing to invent controversy and promote meaningless attacks for political hacks, he said.

High profile race mongers like Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton are frequently found calling White people racists, for knowing, even without using, the word that is similar to the nation of Niger. Meanwhile, in a quiet controversy omitted from lamestream reports, blackish American comics and entertainers on cable TV call themselves and each other enigmas constantly.

A Politically Corrected definition of "racism" is included at the end of this report. The full Politically Corrected Glossary is here:


5- The lamestream media told you:
"Miami -- In what the government called 'the final fatal blow' to the world's biggest cocaine supplier, two Colombian brothers who helped found the infamous Cali cartel pleaded guilty Tuesday to drug trafficking, agreed to forfeit billions in tainted assets, and received what could amount to a life sentence," reports Curt Anderson on the AP wire, in a story that ran nationwide on 9/27.

"They sacrificed themselves for their families," said their attorney. In the deal with prosecutors, six of their relatives in Colombia will be protected from prosecution on obstruction and money laundering, and 28 family members will be able to keep some assets not tainted by drug money. The family has invested in dozens of legitimate businesses, including a drugstore chain with more than 400 stores.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
The world’s top 25 drug cartels applauded the convictions of the leaders of the Colombian Cali drug cartel, but were disappointed that more than 30 family members were left on the streets, with most of their assets. Who exactly would get the $2.1 billion in assets confiscated by U.S. agents was not disclosed. The worldwide market price of cocaine remained unchanged.

“This is a boost for our business, and an unexpected promotion for everyone in the Cali cartel,” said a top drug kingpin, who spoke on anonymous threat of assassination. “The other families join me in thanking U.S. federal agents for this gift,” he said. Coca farming and processing was unaffected by the court action against the two old Orejuela brothers, aged 67 and 63.

When asked if the war on some drugs is succeeding, when it might be declared a success and cease, or when might it be declared a failure and brought to a close, federal agents declined to reply. In other news Congress considered legislation to increase the number of federal workers employed by the war program.

The irony of a drug cartel owning a chain of 400 drug stores was ironic, but went unmentioned.


6- The lamestream media told you:
"Congress Is Heading Home With Little Accomplished," says the headline in a Gannett wire service story by Deborah Berry on 9/30. "Those charges are likely to be part of the partisan drumbeat," as elections near, with each party blaming the other for the problem, she reports.

Numerous experts are quoted to support claims of a the "do-nothing" Congress, with a list of seven things Congress failed to do, including funding numerous government programs, spending $2 billion on AIDS "victims," changing ethics rules, and merging offshore drilling bills.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
According to a recent review of national news stories, reporters continue to urge Congress to pass more statutes, bitterly complain that they aren’t passing enough, and discount the gigantic volumes of new laws the Congress is heaping upon the public. Reporters are, theoretically at least, guardians against government spending and encroachment on the public.

In the period recently labeled a “do-nothing Congress,” Americans were actually saddled with at least 288 new federal laws. It is believed that not a single citizen in the entire nation has read every one, and “news” reports have failed to mentioned nearly all of them, listed here: It is widely known that legislators do not read the bills they pass.

A random sample of five recent bills shows a total of 72,931 new words of federal law. If averaged and multiplied, that’s more than four million new words of law, from a “do-nothing” legislature. This unscientific guesstimate will be replaced with an actual count, if any Page Nine readers are willing to do one. Hey, maybe it's only a million words. Public money spent in these laws is in the multi-billions of dollars.

With a significant portion of the public convinced that one of the nation’s biggest problems is Congress itself, complaining that they are not doing more may be unethical on the part of reporters and news organizations, but no charges have been filed.

Steve Slivinsky, a scholar currently with the Cato Institute, suggests that gridlock in Congress may be the best protection against rampant government growth, increased spending, and burdens on the public that decrease freedom. He will be speaking at the Goldwater Institute on Oct. 26, details here:


7- The lamestream media told you:

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
A state representative from the Mexican border state of Arizona wants to renew the official federal deportation program from the 1950s known as "Operation Wetback." Rep. Russell Pearce, a border security advocate described the mass deportations on National Public Radio in Phoenix (KJZZ-FM).

"In 1953, Dwight D. Eisenhower put together a task force called 'Operation Wetback.' He removed, in less than a year, 1.3 million illegal aliens."

Local Democrats used Pearce's remarks in a news release with angry comments from Hispanic activists. They said "wetback" is considered derogatory. Pearce replied that he only used the term in an accurate historical context.

"He (Pearce) is on a constant campaign of demeaning people and creating an imagery of them in the public's mind as being somewhat less than human," said Somos America (We Are America) president Roberto Reveles.

Pearce defended his comments, accusing activists of blatantly supporting "lawbreakers."

"This was a successful program," Pearce said, "and I'm quoting a successful program for those who continue to tell you it's impossible to deport them (illegal immigrants) in this country."

"In the '50s it was common. In the '60s it was common. You don't use it today because people have tried to make it offensive," Pearce said. "Things change, and you know what? Who cares? Whatever they want to be called, I'm OK with that."

Somos America failed to mention that the proposal only deals with people who illegally sneak into the country, stay here in violation of law, frequently avoid paying taxes, use social welfare services they are not entitled to, and even vote without being citizens.


8- The lamestream media told you:
Reporting for USA Today on 9/26, Mary Marklein notes that a report notes that college students are graduating without knowledge or appreciation of American history or its institutions. No cause for the problem is identified.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
Leftists who have infiltrated and largely taken over the nation's institutes of higher learning have succeeded in eliminating effective education on American history for students. This is a big plus for socialists working to undermine American independence and establish collectivism in its place.

"We risk a generation of young people not knowing what America stands for," says Eugene Hickock, a member of the board that commissioned the report.


9- The lamestream media told you:
Pope Benedict XVI invited 20 Islamic diplomats to Rome for talks on rejecting all forms of violence and intolerance, according to Tracy Wilkinson, writing for the Los Angeles Times on 9/26. The Pope expressed, "esteem and profound respect," for Muslim believers, but some Muslims afterwards complained, "it could be more positive," and "the Pope spoke about dialogue but it was a monologue." At least one Muslim, Iraq's ambassador to the Holy See, seemed more positive, saying it was a major step forward.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
Expressing their dissatisfaction with the Pope's comments about the nature of Islam, two Muslim's hijacked a Turkish passenger airliner to demonstrate their commitment to peace and tolerance. Military jets forced the hijacked plane to land in Italy.


10-- The lamestream media told you:
Saying, "It seems unnecessary to us and seems wrong," Mexico "will try to persuade" President Bush not to sign the bill that would authorize a fence at the border to help keep Mexicans from flooding into the United States illegally, according to an unbylined report from the AP on 9/30.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
All doubts about Mexico's true intentions are removed with the current diplomatic efforts, say unnamed sources close to the Uninvited Ombudsman, who note, "Mexico is behind the invasion, and is doing everything it can to keep it going strong."

In other news, it was reported that the big fuss over a proposed 700-mile border fence may be little more than an election-year trick, since adequate funding was not provided to build it. Mexico figured it should complain anyway.






1. Hydrogen Won't Work.

"It takes more energy to separate the water than is returned when the hydrogen is oxidized (burned). Hydrogen is therefore not a fuel." -Larry Southwick

[Presumably we'll find a way (though basic physics does not smile on this as I think you know). The real problem -- loading the atmosphere with humidity from burning hydrogen, which I singled out, on further thought may be small compared to all the oxygen we're going to release to get the hydrogen from water. Remember the Apollo capsule fire? Oxygen's dangerous. If a plant in NJ spews O2 so a car in Kansas can spew humidity, what then? And what about the effect of pumping billions of barrels a day of water out of the ecosystem, instead of oil out of the ground? Isn't fresh water in tight supply? If you just pump out the oceans, where do you put all the salt? And what about all the huge sucking sounds? Inquiring minds want to know...]


2. Enigma Freezes Emails

A story detailing charges of racism against Texas gubernatorial candidate Kinky Friedman used the so-called "n-word" that sounds like enigma. It turns out many email systems screen every word you receive, and block entire messages if they contain even one black-listed word, which the enigma word apparently is. Many regular Page Nine readers were therefore denied edition 15, and I apologize for my niggling ignorant oversight. I thought I was being clever, using the word "in quotes," which Afro-Americans use on cable TV constantly, but which the lamestream media carefully skirts. The story is available here:


3. Jimmy Stuart should be Jimmy Stewart.


4. Listerine is promising increased Whiteness.


5. "Thank you for your eulogy for my father, Jeff Cooper. We appreciate your words. He had neither a stroke nor a heart attack. What did him in was basically complications from 11 years of battling spinal fractures caused by osteoporosis. A downward spiral of pain, medication for pain, loss of appetite due to pain medication, deterioration of the lungs and heart due to lack of exercise and restriction of the chest cavity. It was painful and painful to witness. Have your bone density checked periodically and take your calcium."  --Lindy

[Please also note that Jeff Cooper received, among many other honors, the St. Gabriel Possenti Society Medallion when in Rome. St. Gabriel is the Patron Saint of Shooters. See "Gun Saint," about the campaign to establish this patron saint here:]


6. Daniel Craig will be the 7th actor to play James Bond, not the 6th, and all their guns were fakes -- Thanks to Charles Heller of Liberty Watch radio.




What would happen if Washington, Jefferson and Franklin suddenly found themselves in modern times? Read "Tempus Fugit" --A stunning achievement, eye-popping entertainment, critical thinking at its best.
Book review here:


See the official Journalist's Code of Ethics here:
Compare it to the news you see every day.


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Thanks for reading!
Alan Korwin
The Uninvited Ombudsman


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Alan Korwin
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Comments help keep me going. Alan.


Thank you for this breath of fresh air. --Andrew Betts


Your voice is a unique, witty, vivid and highly articulate one and I’d love to see it in the national arena! --Sharyn Grobman Korwin, General Counsel
[I did NOT put her up to saying that].


I have followed and admired Col. Cooper for 50 years at least.  I had the pleasure of meeting him at a Friends dinner at Truth or Consequences NM some years ago.  I remember vividly one statement he made about self defense ( VERY politically incorrect) "There are some people who just need killin'".  --jschuma


You are on a roll today! The folks who have unsubscribed don't know what they're missing. What a shame. Always an eye-opener to read your insights. [Mainstream reporter friend, name withheld to protect employment.]


Mahmoud Amabadjihad -- had to read it twice, and worth it.


just a brief note to say thank you for your informative pieces.  also, thank you for your wit and your ability to cut to the core on many issues. all the best,  captain d. scully.


I wonder if Col Cooper told NRA management, “A gun that's safe isn't worth anything," since they help those efforts? This was the best p9 yet. --Russ


Another great UO! Though I don't always agree with your viewpoint I really appreciate your cynical sense of humor. Art Merrill


[A scholar and author friend wrote:]
Why is the fact that some members of the Black Caucus are mulatto important enough to note and why do you feel that it cannot be discussed? Bob.

[And I replied:]

Because it's true.

Race has become a discussion obscured by agendas, political correctness and lies. Bean counters demean everyone with broad brushes to allocate resources, with no concern for constitutionality. The melting pot is balkanized.

Eugene Volokh perceptively notes that both Reps and Dems inconsistently and hypocritically accept and condemn racial profiling. Dems encourage it for affirmative action rewards and condemn it for terrorism and crime prevention. Reps encourage it for police work and the jihad with islamofascists and berate it for diversity quotas.

Meanwhile, "black" is treated as a monolithic bloc for government programs and census demographics, but Nigerian immigrants, southerners and the middle class couldn't be more different. And "white" is erroneously used to batch everyone from Greeks to Spaniards, Italians to Norwegians, Irish, Hispanics and a dozen other distinct groups. It is totally unAmerican. E Pluribus Unum. Unity, not multicultural race baiting.

Someone has to stand and say this emperor has no clothes, at the risk of being called names. Creating arbitrary and false categories, pigeonholing the public into them, and then developing cultural, legal and giveaway programs around them is just wrong.

As to why it cannot be discussed, the reasons are complex, but I believe we both are aware the news is simplistically black and white, with no shades in-between that would generate the opprobrious charge of racism*. Alan.

From my non-existent Dictionary of Reality:

Racism. n. A false charge of devastating power, that can be brought against a person without cause, especially when no real charges are available, to gain advantage in a debate.  See also, Political Correctness.

Political Correctness. n. 1. A wildly successful political tool of the left. 2. The inability to say or do what you really want, for fear of offending a person or group. 3. A disguised form of creeping socialism, that disavows traditional American values*, with rejection of personal responsibility for actions, and embracing instead centralized controls and power.

* The rights of the Bill of Rights, limited government, private property, free markets and enterprise, sovereignty of the individual, morality, independence instead of conformity, self interest as a driving force over enforced common good approach, more.

"PC is the verbal equivalent of burning books.  It is mind and thought control, pure and simple." (Gary Sepp)


Thanks so much for the 'Page Nine' update, it's hysterically funny! It was truly fantastic meeting you, as brief as it was, and I knew immediately that I had met a remarkable man. (Please know that I am not disposed to flattery, and can count on half a hand the # of times I have used that adjective when describing new acquaintances.) --Dr. Goodman.


Are you the only one that will point out the lamestream media, and what is not being reported? Everyday it gets worse and no one is reporting it, except you. Thank You. Elmo C Sherman
[Elmo, Thanks, and you need to get out more.]


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